i am aware of things, am aware of situation, i can analyze and recommend solutions to myself
have you ever been in a situation where time and energy are the only ones holding you back?
like 24 hours is not enough and you wish you can have all the energy and dont have to sleep so that you can do things?

I am tired of the game(s).
Something that's more tiring than the Olympics, something that uses up energy and resources like Dementors sucking out life from me.

Independent women are supposed to be smart, fashionable (or should I say, presentable), strong women.

Damsel in distress are supposed to be helpless and hopeless, dumb blondes who cant fix a lightbulb without their men.

But apparently independent women are less intelligent pulak these days (err.. maybe just one independent lady, to be politically and emotionally correct for the sake of my friends with high self esteem as compared to moi) because.... we think too much kot.

I mean, since we are so independent and smart and not to forget the fusion of maternal instincts and manly responsibilities that we have to shoulder since... we're independent and we need to survive in this chauvinistic world, we tend to ... errr..... be fooled by others because.... we thought it's thoughtful and nice for us to do it because we have the resources and the abilities (since we're independent women and buy our own rocks and cars and such) but we forgot that people can be selfish and opportunists too.

I remembered that someone reminded me that people will take me for granted and also ambil kesempatan from me because it's me.

And now I'm feeling the pinch.

It is a lonely and unprotected life.

What's the price of friendship, I'd ask.

Now that everyone's shipped back to Kuching - Aimin's the last one yesterday - am finally back home, alone.
I miss Aimin, the fact that I love his jokes and his company - he's pretty mature for a 14-yo but I enjoyed hanging out with him anyway, and he's thoughtful in his own ways - and on that note, I start thinking, do I actually have a favorite brother? You know, succumbed to the favoritism and such?

Well, I should say I love my bros equally, I guess.

Aimin is naturally the one everyone loves coz he's the youngest. Ambo has his 'tough' moments, but all and all I think he's the nicest guy around. He can do better without his recently acquired belly - being a father already (why la eh) and he has better PR skills than me, seriously. Good natured, with excellent sense of humor balanced with good common sense. I think Fel has made an excellent choice :D And thank Ambo for 'bringing' Mumu in this world - Mumu rawks!

Am just glad both of them are respectful, sensitive enough, attentive and good guys all around. They may not be perfect, but at least they are not sampah masyarakat or anything.
I wish I can date my own brothers (or rephrase: someone with similar qualities!) hahahaha

I just miss them. And mom.

On other note, One In A Million was kewl....! That is, if you're there with me during the live show hehehe
I am so gonna support Shone, he's cool. And I hope Tiara will be one of the two that'll be out of the competition.. heh

So watch out for OIAM, I'll be there, somewhere, every week...

If you guys have the chance to watch it on TV, make sure you guys log on to http://oneinamillion.bluehyppo.com to chat with Paul Moss and Syafinaz live!
I know, I did :P

Chillin' at home.. and maybe another round on the dancepad, y'all.

Till next time.

I know some requested for my update (yes Aida, this is for you, although it might not be as happy and happening) but just want to let you guys know that am currently camping at my uncle's place in TTDI, waiting for news of my grandfather.
He's on his deathbed right now, all of us has 'talked' to him on the phone, asking for forgiveness from him, and saying the kalimah syahadah to him to aid his 'journey' to the afterlife, that is... if it's time for him to go.
I even had video calls via 3G to my brother, and saw him on video. He's still on an oxygen bottle, breathing. My uncles, aunties and mom were next to him, repeatedly chanting the kalimah syahadah to his ears.

He was hospitalized about a week ago, when he started feeling feverish one day before his planned trip to KL for my cousin's wedding here on 17th. It was such a blur, with my mom and brother arriving on 10th, and my grandpa's being admitted after my mom and Aimin touched down KL, everybody back home pushing us to go back to Kuching immediately (as if we have so much money to burn on flight tickets) - my mom and Lynn, my cousin went back on Friday on 8.15am flight (yours truly sent them to the airport) and Aimin's still around with me so with lil bro on board...

Ah well. 17th saw us attending Bang Edd's so-called wedding, as small as it was, still it was quite a reason to go back home, just awake enough to change my baju kebaya and planning to have a shower before bed - but I never got to have the shower anyway, slept wrapped in my towel - 'pengsan'!

So those are the major ones.

Some other activities:
Live & Loud KL 07
Went with Aida for the Turn on the Pop at Bukit Kiara Equestrian, had Japanese lunch before that at Hatsuhana BSC, and fortunate enough to get good parking a few metres away from the entrance - even the walk from the entrance to the actual stage was further than the distance from the entrance to my car. It was quite hot at 3.30pm - bought caps and 100plus to combat that - good thing I've got my sunnies on. Sat behind some hot chicks other guys cant get their eyes off them, even the photographers and videographers were 'mesmerized' by them. Anyway.... Peter also got tickets, and since I was already there, asked him to get Sabrina instead to join in. So long story short, everyone had a good time, I personally enjoyed Project Pop the best, and Shaggy, and Eliot Yamin. Whitney Houston was a bore, everyone's sick of waiting for her, and it's not as if her performance was not worth it, at all.. but apparently some people are die hard fans so.. be it then.
Too bad Peter was less enthused that night, so it leaves Aida, Sab and me to rock our way all night long. Not even the free 'sausages' we got with every purchase of Kyros Kebab's sausages were that sporting, more like frozen sausages.. ahahaha so kejam one.
Anyway, got intro-ed to two guys - friends of Aida's - they got to go on board my ride - muahahahhaahahaa I bet it was a totally different experience from the Jag, huh?
(please note that my sememangnya overused word/phrase is anyway, if you havent noticed - so just bear with it for a while ya.)
So that's Live & Loud KL 07, in the middle of the horse's park, mind you.
Oh ya. I was dressed for Whitney Houston so was wearing my jeans skirt (concert? yeah.) and my heels (not so concert-y , but more towards Whitney Houston-y) so at some point I just cant let my heels dig in my feet and kill me slowly so I just went barefoot. Muahhahaahaha

TM One Series Invitational Golf Tourney
That morning I had one hour's sleep, and by 5.30am I was already on the way to Binn's house to carpool to Kota Permai Golf & Country Club in Shah Alam. We were there by 7am (after filling up her gas and going thru McD Drive Thru for breakfast on the go) and arrived the same time as Dato' Zam - hik hik hik
And we're assigned to standby at the halfway hut. Hmmm.
I was paired with Rizal, a dude from Celcom - Binns was telling him that I'm trying to get my hands on MCR tix - but overall he's a good guy.
The golf tourney was good, ended quite late though but everyone's happy, at least.

Binns: I think you and Rizal got chemistry.. can feel it..
Finns: Please la. I dont feel anything at all.

And then after that.. Binns went to India for about a week, I emceed a signing ceremony with Maybank - the stupid thing is when the Negaraku song CD was corrupted halfway but a good thing that the guests kept on singing without music.

Went to Ryze mixer with Aida and Sab, met old friends, ate at Lotus Binjai later that night and then my sore throat started..............

And I got fever on Sunday, even have to refuse the free MCR tickets that Rizal offered.

On Monday mom and Aimin came... so bla bla bla bla....

- I've got myself a DancePad so I can dance on my PS2!!! Yippie!!
- Went to Klinik Penawar at Sri Serdang on Tuesday - the doc was HOT! heh. I didnt fill in the 'Status' section and he actually asked: Are you married or single? Cehhh. Single la beb.
:P So girls, untuk kelegaan cepat silalah ke klinik tersebut.
- Got so damn drowsy while driving towards TTDI and had to stop at Damansara Uptown coz cant continue the journey - have to sleep! I pity my mom and bro because they had to wait up for me catching up sleep - must be the cough syrup...
- Went for OIAM Top 12 press conference on Friday so got the chance to be up close and personal with the Top 12 contestants including Sarah Raisuddin, Intan Serafina, Shahila, Mark, Tiara, etc. Got the tix to all shows, so be nice to me ya.

Speaking of sleep, I need a few hours now - have to get ready to pack tomorrow morning so later then.

Anything just SMS me ok.

The joy of Streamyx broadband is finally here.
I dont need 1.0Mbps or 4.0Mbps, 512Kbps is good enough.

Now I have to think of paying my RM200++ phone bills, approximately 3/4 of it is my EZNet 1315 usage.

Broadband is definitely cheap and wayyyy much better.

*evil grin*

OK what happened last week?

• NTV7 Breakfast show - done. Hiccups everywhere but it's done.


• AmBank NexG iTalk PrePaid MasterCard Launch - done. OK lah.


• UrbanLive@ 1 Utama - done. OK lah. Got la 2 mags came to cover.


• FlyFM Flyniversary - lotsa VIP and VVIP tickets with me, but no takers. That's why la, rugi who dont want to befriend me.. hahahaha next month we'll start with One In A Million - so you better be nice to me now.

Next week:

• Prize Giving for iTalk 'Celebrate & Win' Contest (Monday) - erk. with PC..


• Let's Click!! Let's Click!!!!!!


• Pencarian Gadis Jelita BH @ Palace of Golden Horses - Tuesday


• The Sun 'Vegas' Party - Friday?


• Live & Loud KL 07 - Turn on The Pop - Saturday

*slumps*

I want to see My Chemical Romance lah....

---------------------

Have you ever heard of this: when you're dreaming, your soul is actually meeting up other souls elsewhere, thus the dreams.
Personally, I dont like dreaming, because it'll exhaust me when I wake up in the morning. But dreams, after all, a meeting of souls...?

heh.

Strange things, dreams...

No wonder my reputation was THAT BAD.

One incident: I found out that someone was actually LYING about me being in a meeting. Whereas, I NEVER attended the meeting mentioned.
No wonder I received furtive glances from the people from agencies, being frowned on by my own friends, being dissed off by colleagues and superiors.

Now, I know.

Fuck that particular department that I was in. Well.

But again, should I blame myself for accepting it, not resisting it by covering my own bases carefully just because?
One thing for sure, I dont want to be LIKE them, and I believe God will protect me, no matter what. And it's up to them what they wanna do because they're the losers, the suckers.

SUCKERSSSSSS!

hahahaha

I'm not bothered. Truth will prevail, and those in err, will be punished accordingly. God, is after all, the fairest of them all.

i was wasting my time on Facebook this afternoon when I found a group on I am Muslim 2 - a sequel of Dina Zaman's project, I am Muslim, and this time round she's asking for contributions, in the form of stories. I mean.. ah well.
However, it was shortlived.

http://iammuslim2.blogspot.com/

Still looking for one particular entry I did on I am Muslim, but over my EZNet 1315 dial up connection.. maybe not.

I'm currently reading "Sweetheart from Hell" by 16-year-old May-Zhee Lim.
What am I doing reading a chick lit written by a 16-yo? Dang.

1. It's chick lit, nonetheless. Excessive brand-name-throwing, Vogue-exaggerating, Devil-Wears-Prada-ing and squeeeeee girly dumb-blonde antics.
2. Pretty much a Malaysianized-skewed-to-Chinese (erm, the lead male is a Daniel Chou... ehem ehem) and yeah, I think I know where this is going.
3. It's funny. And I'm trying extra hard to ignore the fact that May-Zhee Lim is merely 16 when she wrote this to bask in the full benefits of going chicky/cheeky/hungry(?) over chic(k) lit.

ok ok ok ok
i'll finish it first.gimme another 2 hours.

The end of the week is wheezing at top speed.

Thursday saw me lounging around Jusco Cheras Selatan again, apparently it being my current hang out place just because of the Starbucks and Jaya Jusco and the distance. Manicure and spa pedicure done.
But I still think A Cut Above Bangsar does the best manicure/pedicure in town.

On Friday went to Pavilion (finally!) to see Gette and friends. Found a great eating place in Pavilion, where I can get my dose of carrot cake and awesome oyster omelette. Pavilion's Food Republic is to be on top list 'To Check Out'. Ended up doing a full-fledged shopping spree, which continues at 1 Utama. Sent them to Mines later for dinner.

Saturday saw me driving to TTDI to pick Alicia up with Trish, and drove all the way to Kuala Kubu Baru for our Charity Deepavali function. Had fun dancing with the girls, and headed on to Alicia's condo next to sort out some matters for the ntv7 interview on Breakfast show on Monday. Saw Alicia's wedding video, and cant help thinking, it's such a perfect wedding. She got perfect dresses, perfect wedding cars, perfect everything. Despite her natural make up in her NZ's wedding.

But no, I am so not going through it, again.

Today?
Jusco Cheras Selatan again? Maybe. Just to change the faulty extension plug.

Bangkok Jazz, 10.30pm - Lisa's performing!

This morning Binns and I were talking about how her dad scolded her for always staying back late at the office.

Then Binns said, "We've been trying to console ourselves and trying to feel good about our job by saying, it's for experience sake, yadda yadda but dont you think we're overworked?"
I said, "I see work as amanah - we've got to do whatever we're responsible/diamanahkan for."

Binns: Other people also diamanahkan but the point is, we're not being rewarded setimpal with what we're doing now.

Finns: But I believe we're part of a system, holistically we are contributing to a cause, a purpose. It's just that we chose to be at the toughest part of the system, whereby our nature of job requires us to be overworked. If you want easy work, you can choose to do so by transferring to another department?

Binns/Finns : hmmm ??!!?????